


I'm never enough for you

by r_497385



Series: Depressedinnit stories ya'll could vent with oh yeah and sometimes implied deaths so *cackles* [2]
Category: Dream SMP - Fandom, Minecraft (Video Game), Video Blogging RPF
Genre: ;), Angst, Crying, Gen, Guys i know I'm a liar, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Mild Blood, Panic Attacks, Parent Sam | Awesamdude, Protective Sam | Awesamdude, Sad, Sam is uhh, So yea, Tommy is suffering once again, bad parental figures that fail Tommy sm, but trust me on this one, for his parenting skills, just read it, luckily Sam is...., that guy doesn't deserve a tag, the egg, what did you expect from me hmm?, yea
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-20
Updated: 2021-02-20
Packaged: 2021-03-17 00:41:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,494
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29584605
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/r_497385/pseuds/r_497385
Summary: Tommy was never enough for anyone.Not for Phil, not Will, not even Dream.He fails everybody and himself.Now? He's even failed his last ever parental figure.Sam looks at him, there was red, and Tommy crumbles.
Relationships: Sam | Awesamdude & TommyInnit
Series: Depressedinnit stories ya'll could vent with oh yeah and sometimes implied deaths so *cackles* [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2181993
Comments: 13
Kudos: 384
Collections: Completed stories I've read





	I'm never enough for you

**Author's Note:**

> :(

"Sam....."

Rubble surrounded the kneeling boy.  
Hair blowing alongside smoke amplified by swirls of wind. Bellowing ash, lungs unable to work as they entered his system before his nose could even function.

  
Frantic pair of eyes coloured blue looked up. Head snapping so quickly when the person he had seeked for turned his head in Tommy's general direction.

  
Blue met green, immediatly Tommy feels his mind break.

"Sam! Sam! W-what are you doing here?! Sam, it's dangerous here, someone blew up the hotel, our hard work, and oh god Sam, I am so fucking sorry, b-but we have t-to-"

  
"Tommy."

Something tight curled around him, pushing through his skin as his words died in his throat. Lips sealed shut. Blue, desperate eyes searching Sam's face for any signs of the gentleness usually aimed for him only.

  
Tommy's blood ran cold when his vision met crimson.

  
_Wait?_ Tommy shudders in an incredibly shaky breath of air, pathetically resembling a gasp.

  
_Were his eyes always...r-red?_

  
Tommy pushed back the bile rising up his throat when the smell of burnt ash mixed with the air he had to inhale into his lungs.  
The smell is so familiar, Tommy feels a sharp wave of nausea hit him, recoiling back to himself as he inhales sharply when Sam took a step forward slowly. Having his hands curled against the hard surface of the cobblestone built path.

  
Soft footsteps greeted Tommy's ears as the distance between them grew smaller. Tommy falling on his back as he scrambled frantically backwards every single step that Sam takes.

Sam keeps silent, mask hanging on his belt, intentions clearly having been to show Tommy his face.

_But that would mean, Sam wanted to show him that something was wrong right? Sam wanted Tommy to see that all of this never happened because of Sam, none of this happened because of Sam, it was- it was probably that ender damned egg! There is no way-_

  
" _Tommy_." The tone Sam used was hard. Cold. Devoid of its usual warmth whenever Tommy was around.

  
The boy immediatly flinched, hands scraping against cobblestone. Fearfully, a dull ache in his chest manifesting until it was actually hard for him to breathe.

  
"S-Sam? I-I d-did y-you know w-who did- did th-this?" Tommy says, voice unable to contain it's stutter. Tone growing weaker and weaker as Sam frowned in displeasure over hearing Tommy's wavering voice.

  
Sam was disappointed.  
Sam was disappointed. _At him._

_No, no-no not again!_

  
Tommy steels himself and opens his mouth to let out a distressed noise before he could manage to form a coherent sentence.

  
Body quivering under eye damaging smoke, knees knocking against one another after Sam finally manages to close their distance with only a few inches left.

  
Tommy feels his eyes sting, yet he refuses with all his might to acknowledge the pressure of liquid poking through his eyes.

  
Stubborn, pleading eyes looked at Sam's chilly and cold ones, shrinking in himself when Sam disregarded the thought of returning Tommy's hopeful gaze.

  
On his face something completely different. A near scowl.

  
Tommy feels his mouth go dry, and his chest tightens as he struggles to breathe.

  
" _Tommy_. First of all, _stop stuttering_. _It's annoying_." Sam remarked off handedly as if he didn't just make Tommy's heart shatter into pieces, and the boys hand bleed from where he dug it harsher into the ground.

  
Tommy finds fear clutching him. Pulling him down. His legs, hands, body hammered and nailed down to the ground just from those words alone. They reminded him so much of... _of Dream_. Tommy's vision turns bright lime for a second, and he feels his stomach contents _turn_.

Tommy feels his world shake, yet his body stayed heavily glued to the ground. Gravity unleashing it's full force, pinning him to the ground as his blue eyes opened in fear. Lips trembling from holding back the sobs threatening to spill just when Sam let out another irritated scowl.

_At him._

_Sam is angry. At him._

Tommy shakes and shakes until he couldn't stand Sam's disgusted stare anymore, curling in on himself with his hands like a shield. Choked noises building up his throat as tears started to pour down his face without stop.

  
Tommy wails to himself, pulling his knees tightly in his chest as his frail and thin body rocked back and forth for the pain clutching at his aching heart doubled the more Sam glared at him.

  
" _Tommy_ -" there was a dangerous edge in Sam's words, it caught Tommy's attention because Tommy instantly bites on his tongue the minute he hears Sam's voice go hard.

  
" _Shut the fuck up. Kid_. Can't you do anything besides crying? Why did I even consider helping you? You can't even stand up for yourself." Sam spat. Words laced heavily with venom, and pure disgust Tommy starts to feel sick.

  
His stomach twisted and turned, forming knots in his stomach, body turning frigid and tense, fearful eyes widening in horror as red invaded his vision, mere inches away form him, making him flinch back violently after a resounding slap echoed before Tommy was hit with the realization that _Sam had slapped him._ Really slapped him.

Tommy jerks back, eyes aghast, pupils dilating as he screamed when Sam tightened his grip on Tommy's shoulders. Locking and caging him in place as tears burst out his eyes like a waterfall. Tommy clamps both his hands over his mouth, body shaking, curling in himself more with how much his chest is caving in on him. Making him look smaller as the boy gasps desperately in search for air, too much pressure clawing his chest open he feels his skin tear. Sam's fingers dug in deeper and Tommy's breathing grew harsher.

  
Fear leaking off of him, any form of confidence that this man was going to save him disappearing alongside his supply of air.

  
_Heaving, breathing, gasping_ out air as if he had lost them freely circling the sky around them. Hands clamped together over his mouth as panic engulfed him in waves, losing the ability to see anything except green, crimson eyes twitching in dark irritation. Distaste marring Sam's face so intensely Tommy chokes on his own spit, tears mixing with his sweat where his vision starts to blur.

  
" _Tommy!_ _Shut. The. Fuck. Up._ I told you, it's annoying! How old even are you huh?!" Sam growled, skin bristling in hot anger when Tommy gasps weakly, moving away from Sam's bruising hold as much as he can, muttering words of apology, shaking like a leaf, struggling to breathe as his cheeks burnt red. Snot and tears mixing whilst the boy basically chokes on his own words, saliva trailing down his chipped lips like a wild and cornered animal.

  
Sam grits his teeth in irritation.

  
_He was gonna **kill** this kid._

Sam moved his hand back, bringing it forward with all his might, finally relaxing when he heard the sound of flesh hitting skin with a loud smack. Tommy yelps in pain, gasping furiously, air seemingly unable to enter his system as he trashes around violently from where Sam was now caging him to the ground. Hands digging on Tommy's skin forcefully, baring his pearly fangs in front of Tommy's sobbing face, no longer recognizing the man in front of him, legs giving out under Sam's longer ones as he weakly struggles. Wails, desperate, in need of air, too scratchy and dry escaped his lips and grated on his throat he feels them bleed.

Tommy begs and begs for Sam to let go. To let the nails digging themselves on his shoulders to stop, pleading, screaming for the man to move away from him because he _can't breathe_ -

  
Another harsh slap connected itself against his skin. Tommy's breathing hitched, his cheeks bruised and burnt before Tommy could even attempt to scream. 

  
"I'm s-sorry! Sam! S-Sam! Please, I'm sorry f-for being not good enough, I- I can't do this S-sam! _Please_ , it _-it hurts_ S-sam, Sam you're hurting me, _pl-please please please get off please I can't- Sam I can't breathe-"_

Tommy screams in agony. White searing pain splitting his vision in two when he felt Sam abruptly stand up, only to retract his arm revealing a sharp, diamond sword, plunging it deep into Tommy's chest all the while ignoring the boys spasming body. Screams unheard of as they grew weak and leaked blood.

Sam pulls the blade away, eliciting a sharp pained gasp to form on Tommy's lips, unimaginable pain burning and violently clawing at his chest as his body twitches with so much pain, his vision blurs and blurs and Tommy gasps out words of apology at Sam's unamused, merciless look.

  
Tommy screams how he's sorry. How he's sorry he was ever born, how he became a nuisance for Sam in the end, how he leeched off of Sam's kindness when he gave back nothing in return.

  
Tommy wails brokenly. Gasping for nothing but pain, the black spots dancing around his vision pulling him into a deep sleep he knew will be the end of him. The end of Tommyinnit. The end if his story, by the hands of the person he adores oh so much.

Tommy wails, uncaring of the blood oozing from his throat like a faucet. 

Broken sobs tearing through his bloodied chest, each sob sending a burning sensation ripping through his body. 

Muttering a string of apologies that sounded so weak and shaky Tommy wasn't sure if he was still able to make a sound.

Blood juggled out of his lips but he still screams when Sam suddenly plunges the sword in, deeper this time. Twisting it whilst Tommy wriggles and wriggles underneath the sharp pain digging deep, feeling it even scrape into his bones. Only able to scream in pain, blood curdling screams of pain and anguish assaulting Sam's ear as he turns to the side. Disgust written clear on his face at the mess of bloodied limbs Tommy was left in. Bleeding on the ground. Irritatingly still alive, hand twitching to reach out to Sam.

  
"You're so fucking clingy. Why aren't you dead yet? Just die already, haven't you fucked up enough? God, you're annoying."

  
Sam curls his frown further as Tommy's hands grasp at him harder. Shoulders shaking alongside the pained breaths and sobs escaping Tommy's bloody lips.

  
"S-sam..." Tommy wails despite the pain splitting his body in half.

  
Hands weakly stretching out, calling out Sam's name, heart wrenching sobs making his voice crack and increasing his pitch.

His vision was going black, and he at least wants to hold Sam, his last ever dad, he wants so desperately to say how sorry he was for being himself. For ever coming to him when he was doomed as a cursed and useless child since day one.

  
Tommy gasps weakly again, breaths falling short, vision failing him, as his hands skidded to a stop. Weakness pulling him, numbing his senses as he feels the life in his body slowly drain out.

  
And the worst part is, Sam didn't even look at him back.

  
The man even twisted his head away. Rolling his eyes as he mutters his last words in Tommy's deathly pale face, trudging away the other direction to let it sink in.

"You were _never good enough_ Tommy. No wonder _nobody wanted you. What a useless kid_."

When it did, and when all that Tommy could see was Sam's retreating back, Tommy screams at the top of his lungs one last time before his breath was no more and his vision went completely black.

_"Dad!"_

* * *

Tommy wakes with a start, immediatly clamping his mouth shut, with his front teeth digging itself on Tommy's now swollen lips. Muffling his agonizingly high pitched scream. Sweat rolling off his forehead. Eyes slanted, wide open as he clutches the edges of his bed, gasping weakly to himself. Collecting his knees to his chest as he breathes in and out repeatedly even when it hurts his chest to do so.

Hands weakly tugging at his shirt. Bursting with so much anxiety as he felt no blood there. Only fabric poking through his shaking hands. The only thing left from hks nightmare was sobs, not able to contain the mere memory of his previous nightmare, Tommy rocks back and forth, making his bed dip and creak under his weight.

High fear choking him completely no matter how much air he tries to swallow.

Distant footsteps sounding faint entered his ringing ears. Sobbing growing louder as he stared at Sam in horror.

The man looked frantic, worry and fear clear on the man's otherwise tired fetaures.

Practically sprinting over Tommy, feeling his heart completely break when Tommy hunches in on himself. Shielding his own body with those scarily thin arms of his. If not for the current situation, Sam would've cried when he catches a glimpse of what was underneath the bandages Tommy wore under the guise of terrible fashion sense.  
  
Swallowing thick saliva as he notes how there were straight lines, too neat and precise to have been caused by an accident adorning Tommy's wrists and forearms, a lot of them still coloured pink, few of them being deeper than the others. Hiking up the boy's arms _Sam feels sick to his stomach._

  
But Tommy was crying now, he couldn't risk hurting the boy more so he pulls his hand back quickly when Tommy gasped and jerked back as Sam went to reach for him.

  
Hurt was evident on the man's face. But he holds in his hands to himself as if he was burnt.

Sam feels his lips twist in panic and worry, Tommy looking at him with those terrified, wide blue eyes. It made his heart hurt and his insides burn deeply. 

  
It was so fucking hard to see Tommy like this. Sam hates seeing Tommy like this. Sam wants to hold Tommy and never let go. 

Tommy rocks back and forth, still high from the remnants of his hellish nightmare. Growing into a heavy panic attack Sam was sure would leave Tommy knocked out cold if the boy didn't start breathing again soon.

Sam waits for a second, ears growing hot each time it catches a painful sob escaping through Tommy's lips. It sounded so painful and forced, Sam can't help but feel himself crumble.

  
"Tommy, kid, please say something. You- you need to calm down, okay?" Sam says in a desperate attempt to calm the boy.

  
Tommy mutters another apology. Directed at Sam, even though the blonde had been nothing but perfect for him almost all the time. Sam couldn't contain the tremble in his hands, they reached out ever so slightly towards Tommy shaking figure.

  
Freezing in mid air when Tommy continues to wail to himself.

  
"Sam, s-sam I'm so sorry. _P-please,_ I'm sorry I'm never good enough, I'm sorry I was never good enough for Phil, for Techno, even for Wil when they weren't supposed to deal with someone like me- I-I was never even good enough for my one and only friend that time in exile, I was never even good enough for _Dream_ , and _I'll never be enough for you!_ I- I don't know what to do Sam! I'm so sorry, I'm so so _sorry, I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry-_ "

  
Tommy's broken cries came to a halt, his swollen eyes dragged down with dark eye bags met Sam's fabric. A moment of hysteria nearly breaking him completely, ready to tear an impossibly loud scream out of his choked throat when all of a sudden Sam's voice boomed against his cheek, worry evident in the man's tone as he hugs Tommy closer like his life depended on it.

  
"Tommy..." Sam's voice broke through the silence. Wavering ever so slightly.

_He was horrified._

  
Tommy shouldn't be feeling this way, Tommy shouldn't be thinking about anything like that. It makes Sam want to scream how unfair life was to the broken.

  
"Tommy, you have to listen to me. _Please_ , you're so wonderful you don't even know it. You always make me laugh, you act like you don't care when you do. You really do Toms. You are one of the kindest, most passionate and loyal people I've seen on the server Toms. _Please know that you're always, always, enough_. For _me_ , for Tubbo, Puffy, and if _anybody_ dares to even say otherwise I'll _burn_ them in L'manburg's crater." Sam whispers in a hushed tone. Nothing but sincerity showing through his sentence. Tightening his grip on Tommy's shaking torso within the last words. Eyes going dark just to show how serious he was.

  
Despite not being able to see him, Tommy feels his chest swell with something different for a change. Feeling how Sam's grip grew tighter, but not actually hurting him like the one in his dreams.

  
Tommy inhales shakily the scent of Sam's pajamas. Weeping when he heard Sam praise him with words too kind and gentle for a rude and violent person such as himself.

Tommy hugs Sam back, sobs not done quite yet.

Body still shaking, at least way calmer than he was seconds ago, as he weeps for the next few minutes desperate of an outlet on Sam's comfortably warm shoulder.

  
Sam mutters soothingly under his breath,  
"You _are_ _enough_ Tommy. You're _too good_ for this world, _you're just too good._ Those people _don't deserve you_. They would never be able to feel this much love unless it's from you Toms. I have to let you know, because you're so perfect, just the way you are. _Always. Remember that_."

  
Voice stern, genuine affection leaking off of his words like the man hasn't ever said a single lie throughout his entire life.

Tommy hiccups weakly in response to that. Overwhelmed with the emotions attacking him whilst he could only cry at how kind Sam was.

  
They stayed there for another minute. Sam muttering words of comfort in Tommy's ear, hand running through Tommy's golden locks as he awaits for Tommy's breathing to go back to the way they were before.

  
Glad that his methods worked, Sam pulled back to inspect Tommy's face.

  
His heart ached so hard when he saw the blue in his eyes dull so much they were basically grey. Lips stained with red Sam almost reached out a shaky hand to wipe at them. But he controls himself, and tries not to look too heartbroken for Tommy's sake.

He let's his hands run circles on Tommy's cheeks, feeling salty tears gliding across them. Sam's chest twisted so much but he continues the motion until the tears finally stopped. Leaving an incredibly exhausted boy in his arms. Weakly snapping his head back at Sam when the man quickly whispers to him in the cold night.

  
"What did you...dream about? Was it...was it, _Phil_? Was that dumb failure of a father the one who said those words to you? _Dream_? _Give me a name_ Tommy." Tommy almost shakes again, because Sam's tone was so dark. It sounded dangerously like a threat, and there was a part of Tommy that tenses over the mention of the nightmare.

  
"Who said it Tommy? Who were they. I just want to know." Sam says again with that same cold and hard tone that reminded Tommy too much of the twisted counterpart he had of him just a few minutes ago created by his self loathing subconscious.

  
Tommy gulps in his saliva. Hiding his face in Sam's chest, a sign he was not willing to answer the question.

  
Sam's gaze softened, and he pulls Tommy closer on his lap. Patting his back, riffling his hair, pressing simple kisses on the boys forehead until Tommy eventually was brave enough to look at him in the eyes.

  
"Was it Phil? Dream? _Both_?" Sam asked.

And when Tommy's eyes glistened over, Sam immediatly knows who's going to be on his next hit list. Nightmares be damned, if they said those words in his dreams, Sam was sure as all hell they would've said something similar to that in order for Tommy to be this shaken up.

  
Clenching his fists, eyes burning with so much fire and protectiveness he didn't know he had.

His eyes trailed down and found pink lines peeking through the skin under Tommy's shorts and his skin bristles even further.

  
Sam sets his goal straight, already planning hell for these people that dared to hurt Tommy to this point, as he quietly goes back to run his fingers through Tommy's hair the rest of the night.

  
Whether or not Sam notices the doubt in Tommy's eyes when he asked who were the subject of his nightmares, Tommy was inwardly surprised when the man seemingly misunderstood it for someone else.

But Tommy wasn't going to complain. He just burries his head deeper in Sam's chest, hoping the man would continue to hold him like this even if one day he found out who exactly was tormenting him in his nightmares.

**Author's Note:**

> Bhah- did I get you in the first half? Hah- you probably were having a heart attack huh?
> 
> Hehe blame this on a comment thread I read on another awesamdad fic where they basically say they will literally quit the SMP and sell all their merch if Sam ever decides to pull a Phil. 
> 
> I stand by that, and I will definitely stab someone if that ever happens.
> 
> So you know, I chickened out and eventually turned it just into a nightmare so... your welcome ig 😂😂😂 
> 
> And fuck, Tommy loves Sam sm he's rlly scared of disappointing him. Sighs. Please, someone help Sam give the child lotsa cuddles and hugs. I am the first volunteer, I'd hug the shit out of that child he deserves sm honestly aaaa


End file.
